Captain-Lagos-1-720x431Bulletin: Avengers murder dozens in Lagos, meet with Secretary of State

So stop me if you heard this one before. A few of the Avengers were in Lagos, I think it was Captain America, Black Widow, Falcon, and this new girl, have you heard of this woman? The Scarlet Witch they call her. Well do you know what the Scarlet Witch’s mutant super-power is? Some sort of telepathy.

Anyway another tragedy in Lagos as many innocent humanitarian workers were killed in the cross-fire, as is to be expected with the Avengers, when the Scarlet Witch lifted up a man, who was trying to suicide bomb himself, and threw him into a nearby building.

It just… It just baffles me. I understand we live in a different world now. We have aliens, and Gods, and a world where mutants run freely. 10 years ago, anyone with special abilities was kept out of the limelight, then Tony Stark came up with the brilliant idea to shoehorn himself into being a superhero by buying his way there and our government saw profit, like they always have with Stark Industries.

These are the profiteers of war and destruction. You know what pays to fix these buildings? That’s right – your tax dollars. And look, I understand, if you have these special abilities you want to help, you want to do something, but we’ve reviewed footage from New York, from Sokovia, and now from Lagos and there just seems to be minimal effort from our so called Avengers to guide these mishaps away from populated areas.

There has now been some speculation that Secretary of State Thaddeus Ross has met with the Avengers regarding the United Nations proposal – the Sokovia Accords. Some may see this as a good thing, putting these over-powered individuals in check. I don’t believe the Sokovia Accords goes far enough. The justice system has failed us, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, all of them are murderers and terrorists and should be held accountable on a judicial level.

We’ll see how the United Nations tries to “share” the Avengers equally among other countries or if the murderous Avengers will even fall in line. I believe they all need to be locked up and be tried for their crimes against humanity.

**Bulletins are parody news articles